The Bitterness Blog

Following the Golden Rule: I Don’t Want Your Toilet Germs Any More Than You Want Mine
February 17, 2009, 7:32 pm
Filed under: Societal Botheration


You know who I don’t like?  Hypocritical germophobes.  I have a feeling this specific issue is more likely to affect women than men, but I really haven’t spent any time in mens’ restrooms so I can’t be sure on that.  Regardless of your gender, walk through a familiar scene with me.  I open the stall of a public restroom and find that the woman who used it before me has left one of those paper toilet seat covers on the toilet. 



Now, we all forget to clean up after ourselves occasionally, and I certainly understand that.  We lead busy, rushed lives.  What I don’t understand is how a person can be so fearful of contracting some kind of flesh-eating parasite/venereal disease via public toilet seat that she would take the time to set up one of those flimsy seat covers, but not, at any point during the laborious process, have the thought that perhaps the person using the restroom after her doesn’t want to have to touch her used toilet seat cover.  Maybe this woman thought that I would just put another cover on top of the one she used, but that doesn’t sound like a very sturdy solution.  How high would those end up piling by the end of the day?  That would just be silly.  And really, how much effort does it take to remove the used cover, crumple it, and flush it down the toilet?



The only conclusion I can come to is that this woman feels that she while she is too good to be exposed to public bathroom germs, I am not.  This woman is terrified by the notion of her ass making contact with that seat, but she has no problem putting me in the position of having to dispose of the piece of paper that her ass made contact with in avoidance of the seat. 



I’m not sure who is worse, this woman or the hoverers with bad aim, the ones who try to crouch and pee so they don’t actually have to sit on the seat, but then leave pee all over it.  I’m sure those women just assume that everyone else hovers as they do, so it doesn’t matter if they piss on the seat because no one ever sits on it anyways.  But you and I know that sometimes sitting on the seat is unavoidable, and sometimes even the most experienced hoverers lose balance and have to make an impromptu landing. 



No one likes using public restrooms but we all have to, some of us more frequently than others, and I can’t think of a situation in which the age old Golden Rule of doing unto others as you would have them to do unto you applies more aptly.  Hoverers and coverers, please, keep reciprocity in mind, because if you don’t, you’re disgusting, and if I ever walk into a stall immediately after you and catch you leaving the scene of the crime, I’m going to announce really loudly what you’ve done and all your girlfriends that accompanied you to the restroom are going to hear and make fun of you later behind your back.


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