The Bitterness Blog

Up Yours: Living Vicariously Through Cinema
June 19, 2009, 3:22 pm
Filed under: Work Bitching

There is a prevailing myth that the worst part of working in customer service oriented jobs (i.e., retail, hospitality, the receptionist) is the ridiculous things customers expect you to do for them and/or the often condescending way they speak to you when they ask you to do them.  If you’ve ever read my blog before, you know I agree that dealing with these occurrences sucks ass.  But what’s actually worse than being on the receiving end of so much bullshit is not being able to say what you truly want to say in response (without getting fired, which in today’s economy is frankly not an option for many of us).  I fantasize frequently about saying what’s on my mind to the imbeciles I encounter, and I try to find subtle ways to suggest how I feel about them, but I can never say exactly what I’m thinking.  So it brings me supreme joy to witness triumphant tell-it-like-it-is moments, even if they are only of the fictional and cinematic variety.

You can see how this is perhaps better in theory than in practice.

You can see how this is perhaps better in theory than in practice.

Sometimes a character in a movie or television show finds himself in the position I am in roughly 85 times a day, being asked a stupid question by some lazy jackass, except the character in the movie is able to respond honestly and his response encompasses my emotions and desires in a nutshell.  If you haven’t seen the new movie “The Hangover,” stop reading this and go see it right now, because it’s hilarious.  I rarely watch comedies because I generally find them to have been aimed at keg-drinking frat boys who still think farting is the height of entertainment, and while this film is not exactly an exception, it’s outrageously funny and original.  It also stars Bradley Cooper, who is super sexy in a womanizer/player kind of way, and Zach Galifianakis, a heretofore little known comedian that I had only heard of because he starred in a quirky, clever Fiona Apple music video a few years back.  I love this movie so much that I actually saw it twice in two days, although for the record, it was a full 24 hours and 15 minutes between viewings.

Bradley Cooper, beat up and still insanely hot.  You're welcome.

Bradley Cooper, beat up and still insanely hot. You're welcome.

The premise of the film has three guys waking up the morning after their buddy’s bachelor party, only they can’t remember anything that happened and the groom-to-be is missing.  They start backtracking and looking for clues to figure out what the hell went down, and this leads them to the hospital, where one of them (Bradley Cooper) had apparently been admitted during the shenanigans.  They speak to the doctor that treated him to determine why he was admitted and ask various questions about where they might have come from, who was with them, and if they mentioned where they were headed next.  The doctor informs them that they did indeed mention what Vegas club they were heading to, and Bradley Cooper asks the doctor if he knows where the club is and its address.  The doctor’s response is a classic:    “Sure, it’s at the corner of get a map and fuck off.”    Do you have any idea how many times a day I want to say this to people, people who thought it wise to get in their vehicles and head on over to our office without first determining the address and how to get here?  People who call and says things like, “Hi I’m trying to get to you and I’m by the McDonald’s, so where are you from here?”

People like my co-worker Crystal, who called me yesterday and asked me if I knew how to get to the Spencer-McLean building.  I haven’t even HEARD of the Spencer-McLean building; I don’t know what it is.  Crystal informed me that it’s some other company’s building, and then she repeated the name of the building/company again.  I love when people do this, as if repeating something over and over is going to change the fact that I don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about.  I told her I hadn’t heard of it AGAIN.  Then she said, “Well I’m here at the Spencer-McLean building and I was hoping you would know where it is and how to get here so you could tell me and I could tell this guy that’s on the way here right now.”

Wait up.

Say what?

Say what?

You are at the goddamn building yourself right now and you’re calling me to ask me how to get there?  Were you teleported there?  Because if you drove, I suggest you tell this other person THE ROUTE YOU TOOK TO GET THERE.  At that point, in response I suppose to my baffled silence, Crystal repeated that she was hoping I knew where the Spencer-McLean building was.  I can’t imagine a better time to take a cue from the movies and repeat the wise words of Dr. Valsh in “The Hangover.”  But I didn’t, because the economy sucks and in a few months I will have to start paying off the school loans I accrued in my journey to become the most over-educated receptionist on the planet.  But a girl can dream.