The Bitterness Blog


Douche: If He Were Any Dumber, I’d Have to Water Him
July 9, 2009, 9:14 pm
Filed under: Work Bitching
He sure as shit isn't going to water himself.

He sure as shit isn't going to water himself.

It’s been previously documented here that my direct supervisor, Douche, is an idiot.  His intense stupidity is the gift that keeps on giving.  Aren’t I lucky?  Case in point:  Earlier this week, Douche was filling out two forms, one which required he write out the address of our building.  The building that he has been coming to five days a week for over a year now.  The headquarters of our company.  The building in which he has an office.  The building whose address is printed on his business cards.

He had to ask me what the zip code is.

Oh for fuck's sake.

Oh for fuck's sake.

I acted like I didn’t hear him at first, because my brain found itself unwilling to take seriously the notion that a man with the word “director” in his title doesn’t know the full address of the company he works for.  After asking him to repeat the question twice, I answered it for him.  When he had completed the two forms, he handed them to me, and instinctually, I did a quick glance-over to check for errors.

He wrote down the wrong zip code.

We should really bring the dunce cap back.

We should really bring the dunce cap back.

Oh, and that address that he needed to write down and didn’t know?  It was printed out on the other of the two forms he was filling in. 

As far as I know, Douche has not been deemed officially mentally retarded by medical professionals, but sometimes someone surely slips through the cracks.  Perhaps the company is sponsoring him through some kind of community outreach charity program that I am unaware of.  But lest you find yourself pitying Douche as a poor victim of bad genetics, let me make something clear:  Douche is not just ignorant, he’s lazy and a he’s a jackass, and a lot of his ignorance is the result of his own laziness.  He has been reported to the Human Resources department at least twice that I know of for inappropriate behavior (the first time by myself, on his second day of employment, the second time by a woman whose title includes the letters VP).  He treats his employees like his own personal servants, and he only assists people in the company with their needs if they have a title he considers worthy.  He frequently tells employees how hung-over he is from partying the night before, placing his pathetic attempt to make himself appear as if he has friends above any sense of professionalism or office decorum.  He’s dumb and he’s just kind of a rotten person, a very unfortunate and frustrating combination.  He must be blowing somebody high up on the totem pole, because it’s been 14 months and counting, and this bastard still has a job. 

Ain’t corporate America grand?

*The title quote is from the 2008 film Prom Night.  Lest you get the impression from that one line that the movie is worth watching, let me disabuse you of that notion.  I gave it 15 more minutes of viewing after that line out of respect before I had to give up watching.

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