The Bitterness Blog

License Plate of the Day
August 28, 2009, 7:33 pm
Filed under: License Plate of the Day


Thank heaven…that’s it Friday?  Word.


33 Years and 1 Day Ago, Uber-hotness Was Born
August 26, 2009, 3:02 pm
Filed under: Musings of a Random Nature

Happy Birthday Alexander Skarsgard!!!!

Well hello there.

Well hello there.

This isn’t the first time we have discussed Alexander here, and it won’t be the last.  He portrays Eric on True Blood, and the combination of Alexander’s god-given hotness with the sexy badass character that is Eric = ubersexy.  Because Alexander is Swedish and most of his acting credits are in foreign films, Eric is only the role I have seen him play. 

See that look of sarcasm?  Pretty much always there, because Eric doesn't have time for your petty concerns.

See that look of sarcasm? Pretty much always there, because Eric doesn't have time for your petty concerns.

The character is a vampire and is supposed to be incredibly irresistible and attractive, and the whole first season of True Blood, I didn’t get it.  I didn’t think he was especially good looking.  No, I was not temporarily blinded.  In the first season, he had really long hair, and while I don’t have a blanket objection to men with long hair, in this case, the long hair was obscuring the hotness.  Like, literally blocking my view of how ridiculously sexy this man is.  Plus, the character has been more developed in season 2 of the show, and he’s very sarcastic and pretty much just cooler than everyone else.  And then the good folks over at HBO gave us this:


God bless you, Alan Ball.  It was actually just a dream sequence, but I’m not picky.  Eric was naked and he was all hot and in charge.  I wish I could put the scene on here for you so you could see it.  It was awesome.

If you’re not already watching True Blood, you should be, because it’s highly entertaining, and there are great things about it beyond Eric/A. Skarsgard, as if that wasn’t enough.  But he is definitely my favorite part of the show.  He also stars in Lady GaGa’s music video Paparazzi, which is a very strange video, but of course Alexander is sexy in it and I actually kind of like the song, too.  And he is set to star in a remake of the infamous film Straw Dogs.  So all indications are that us Americans will be seeing a lot more of Mr. Skarsgard from here on out.  Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Skarsgard for bestowing this wonderful gift upon us.  Today (one day late, but it’s the thought that counts) we salute you.

License Plate of the Day
August 24, 2009, 3:09 pm
Filed under: License Plate of the Day
You clever devil, you.

You clever devil, you.

Oh,  how I love puns.  Actually, I’m not entirely sure if this qualifies as a pun, because I don’t know if the word being punned can only be punned by use of a real word, but I think pun is the best category we’re going to get on this one.  Let’s break it down:  The Bora is a Volkswagen vehicle which is apparently also commonly referred to as a Jetta, or perhaps is a newer model of the Jetta with a new name to go with it, or both.  Not quite sure on that.   “Jetteye” sounds like “Jedi,” as in guardian of peace and justice/armed with the Force/member of the Jedi order from the Star Wars movies.  I am by no means whatever the Star Wars equivalent of a Trekkie is called, but I recognize a Stars Wars reference when I see one.  This person could have just put Jedi on his plate, although I would bet some sci-fi geek took that one a long time ago, but combining a cheeky reference to the car WITH the Star Wars reference is pure gold.

Whenever I think of Star Wars, I think of this man (?):

He always lifts my spirits when I'm having a fat day.

He always lifts my spirits when I'm having a fat day.

The Wikipedia page on Jabba the Hut has an entire section devoted to his dietary habits, which at first struck me as funny but which also seems incredibly appropriate.

I’m Smiling on the INSIDE. Really. Now F**k Off.
August 21, 2009, 8:12 pm
Filed under: Societal Botheration, Work Bitching

You know who I’m not a fan of?  People that tell me to smile.  Setting aside for a moment the fact that I’m seated at a central location and it’s my job to greet visitors all day, I can say with certainty that I am not the only person who frequently falls victim to this.  You know the kind of person I’m talking about, the one who moseys on over to your cubical, peeks in over the top as you go about your daily business and says, in an annoyingly upbeat voice, “Smile!” 

I’m not really clear as to what this person’s intentions are.  I suppose it’s entirely possible that the perpetrator of this crime of irritation is geniunely hoping to brighten your day by suggesting that you smile, in which case, that person is at worst legitimately mentally challenged and at best a social retard.  Even if we give this person the benefit of the doubt and assume him/her to be sincere, the statement “Smile” is an indictment AND a command, both of which are annoying.  The clear implication is that you have an unappealing, sourpuss look on your face, which obviously doesn’t offend you because you don’t look at your own face all day long, but apparently you’re expected to adjust your countenance to the preference of others.  I think that’s bullshit.

OK, I might smile if I worked with Don Draper.  But then again I'd also probably be drunk all day.  Have you seen how much liquor they drink at Sterling Cooper?  And yet, Don is decidely NOT smiling.

OK, I might smile if I worked with Don Draper. But then again I'd also probably be drunk all day. Have you seen how much liquor they drink at Sterling Cooper? And yet, Don is decidely NOT smiling. I rest my case. Work smiling is bullshit.

I also think the idea that you would be smiling whilst sitting alone and completing office tasks is bullshit.  What are you, the Joker?  It’s natural for a person to keep his face in a relaxed state, and that state of relaxation does not a smile include.  Smiling works your facial muscles.  You wouldn’t sit at your desk with your arm flexed Popeye-style all day long, because that would be stupid and it would hurt.  The same principle applies to the face.  This annoyance isn’t confined to the workplace–the “Smile!”-er has been known to strike at parties, bars, you name it.  I think most “Smile!”-ers are just looking for something to say, a way to start a conversation, but as a general rule any conversation is going to go better if you don’t annoy the other person right off the bat.

I AM smiling.

I AM smiling.

Because the desk that I sit at all day is roughly 20 feet from the main entrance to the building, people walk past me constantly, and there seems to be a prevailing notion that every time someone sees me there should be a smile on my face.  I smile and greet people in the morning and I tell them “Good night” on their way out.  The same people often walk by me multiple times in one day, and it is rare that more than 2-3 minutes pass without someone walking by.  I am not going to have a perma-grin on my face for 8 hours, nor am I going to greet someone anew each of the 7 times he walks within my eye line.  And if I did have a big Chesire Cat smile on my face at all times without cause, people would think I was a half-wit.  Or that I was being blatantly insincere and saracastic.  I find most people would rather you be stupid than sarcastic, but either way, I’m not fucking doing it all damn day long.

That guy looks like a jackass, right?  You can totally tell he's up to no good, and the joke will be at YOUR expense.  That thing he's doing with his ears and eyebrows is kind of creepy, too.

That guy looks like a jackass, right? You can totally tell he's up to no good, and the joke will be at YOUR expense. That thing he's doing with his ears and eyebrows is kind of creepy, too.

I also have a sneaking suspicion that “Smile!”-ers prey on women and not men, and I think it’s the result of a sexist notion deeply ingrained in our society that women are expected to be cheery and perky and men are not.  If a man is sitting at his desk working with a straight face, he is perceived to simply be occupied with serious, manly business.  A woman without a smile, however, must be having a bad day, PMS-ing, or most likely, upset over a man.  Smiling is also taken as a sign of polite submission, and lord knows women are expected to be submissive in the workplace.

I'll sow you submissive.

I'll show you submissive.

Of course the double edge of that sword is that the women who are smiley and bubbly all the time are often perceived as being ditzy, and god forbid a woman is too friendly, because then she must be a slut.  I also realize that you may have encountered female “Smile!”-ers in your life, and I would argue that they too are playing out sexist roles sublty kept in place by a patriarchal society, even though they probably don’t realize that themselves. 

Okay, I’m done with the feminist rant, although I’m pretty sure there have been studies that totally back me up on this.  I’m too lazy to find them though.  You know us women, totally incompetent, just sitting around filing away at our fingernails.  Okay, really, now I’m done.  The moral of the story is, unless you have a camera in your hand and I’ve agreed to be in the picture, or you are gifting me with a large sum of money or Bradley Cooper, don’t tell me to smile. 

Pretty and ready to kick ass.  I like it.

Pretty and ready to kick ass. I like it.

License Plate of the Day
August 20, 2009, 8:08 pm
Filed under: License Plate of the Day


So the way I figure it, there are two likely possibilities as to the meaning behind this license plate.  The first is that it has something to do with tigers, as in, eye of the tiger, vicious beast, tiger in bed, whatever tiger-related stereotype is most to your liking.  But for some reason, when I first saw this plate, my mind jumped to option number two:  Tigger, the classic character from Winnie the Poo. 

That level of exuberance is not normal.

That level of exuberance is not normal.

I don’t have a problem with Tigger per say, although to be honest I always thought he seemed like kind of a jackass.  Like if he were a person, he would be that guy that gets drunk at every gathering and sort of slobbers all over everyone and makes frequent declarations of love and wants a hug all night long.  I haven’t seen the cartoon Winnie the Pooh in years, but if recollection serves me, there was a strong possibility that Tigger was actually retarded.  Suffice it to say, I personally wouldn’t want to associate myself with that character via license plate, but it’s not even the particular character that really bugs me.

When I was a kid, I knew a girl whose family was obsessed with Disney.  They made as many trips as possible to Disney World, they had Disney paraphernalia plastered all over all of their vehicles, they wore Disney attire on a regular basis.  As a kid I thought it was kind of cool, although they drove to Florida in a camper when they went and even by age 5 I had figured out that camper was not my chosen method of travel.  I don’t know this family anymore, so I can’t really say if the parents did this for the kids or if they really were hot for Disney too, but appearances implied that they were all about some Disney despite being in their 40s.

Is this Epcot?  Remember that awesome 3D Michael Jackson movie they had?  That rocked.

Is this Epcot? Remember that awesome 3D Michael Jackson movie they had? That rocked.

The magic of Disney is not lost on me, and I don’t even think it’s that weird to regress into childhood and prance around a fairytale playland for a vacay once a year, under one condition:  leave Disney shit at Disney once you are over the age of 12.   A woman in a class I took last spring carried with her to every class meeting a Disney’s Tinkerball bag.  Like, embroidered Tinkerball doing fairy shit all over the bag.  To class.  A graduate level class.  This chick was married and at least 25.  I find that to be weird and unacceptable, which is the way that I felt about the license plate I saw the other day that said LVDSNY on it, complete with Disney bumper stickers.  I am familiar with the pain and tragic futility of adulthood, but deal with that the normal ways, like over-eating, sex, and drugs. 

That being said, I am totally going to see this movie:

It's starring a frog!  Why didn't someone do this before?

It's starring a frog! Why didn't someone do this before?

First of all, I LOVE frogs.  Frogs are nature’s finest creation (after Bradley Cooper and Alexander Skarsgard).  I also remember and loved the old school days of flat animation Disney movies.  When I was a kid, the release of a new Disney animated picture was an EVENT.  I don’t know if that’s changed because it really changed or because I’m no longer even close to a kid and therefore not invited to the party, but I miss it nonetheless.  And have you seen the previews?  It’s the first one where the main characters are black, it takes place in New Orleans, and the bad guy is an evil voodoo doctor.  It’s like Disney just chose from a list of black stereotypes and ran with it.  If we’re really lucky there might even end up being slaves in it!

License Plate of The Day
August 5, 2009, 8:07 pm
Filed under: License Plate of the Day


I’m guessing based on the sentiment, the handicapped symbol, and the fact that the car itself was one of those boats only old people drive, that this belongs to a veteran.  If so, props to him (or her) for believing in something enough to be willing to risk dying for it.  I don’t believe in anything with that much fervor, except possibly the unerring truth that life is futile and people suck, and in essence I’m already dying for that, just slowly.  Or perhaps the driver of this automobile also believes in nothing and just appreciates our armed forces and wants to remind others to do the same.  Whatever.  Remember this license plate on Veteran’s Day.

License Plate of the Day
August 3, 2009, 6:47 pm
Filed under: License Plate of the Day


An English major afer my own heart?