The Bitterness Blog


When Being The Front of the Line is About So Much More than the View
September 30, 2009, 6:56 pm
Filed under: Musings of a Random Nature

I’m really into horror movies.  My mother is a sociology/criminology professor, so growing up, there were a bunch of books on serial killers around the house and I would sneak clandestine looks at them.  I spent a solid year working with Douche as my boss.  The moral of the story is that it takes a lot for me to encounter something which leaves me feeling profoundly, deeply disturbed, but it happened today, so I’m going to share it with you.

Let me give you a general idea of my disturbance threshold.   The last thing that really bothered me was an episode of the Fox show Lie to Me.  It dealt with a rapist who poured acid into his victim’s eyes before raping them, blinding them permanently (obviously), so they would never be able to identify him.  It didn’t help that the actor playing the rapist is super hot and I used to love him during my Rescue Me phase.  But that concept disturbed me, and I couldn’t get it out of my head for a couple of days.  I’m also not a fan of torture porn horror films, such as the Hostel movies, but I have seen them and while I didn’t enjoy watching them and tend to avoid them, I don’t find myself dwelling on them in an unhealthy manner.  I’m also very easily upset by tales of dog abuse.  I cried last night while watching a roughly 3 minute news report about a dog saved from dog fighting (and I’m not even going to go into the details of that because it will make me cry again).  So now you’re a little more acquainted with my pysche, and it bristles mainly at eye  stuff, prolonged pain, and canine neglect/abuse. 

Daniel, I just can't look at you the same way anymore, and that makes me sad.

Daniel, I just can't look at you the same way anymore, and that makes me sad.

Today I stumbled on this:

http://www.shocktilyoudrop.com/news/topnews.php?id=12021

I actually saw something about this movie on www.Dlisted.com first (which is a hilarious site BTW), but I’m putting this link up because this link also includes a picture that will give you a pretty good idea of what you’re getting into should you decide to view the one minute video clip from the film, which is not really any more graphic than the photo, but seeing it all in motion just adds to the horror. 

Yeah, I’m not really sure what else I can say about it.  I’m kind of annoyed with myself for feeling the need to bring the movie to other peoples’ attentions, because I’m sure that’s exactly the point.  The likelihood of this movie ever coming to a theater near you is slim to none, but I guess it’s been getting a lot of attention at a horror movie festival in LA.  I think I’m also partly disturbed because the people behind the film say it was inspired by actual Nazi experiments, and I’m wondering how accurate that is.  I also just don’t get why anyone, fictional or otherwise, would want to create this.  Is it supposed to be a sexual turn-on for the crazy doctor behind it in the film?  Because, um, that’s gross, and if it’s not that, then what is the purpose? I’m not sure I buy the logistics of the chain of command here, so to speak, because by the time you get to the second girl, that’s not food any more.  Can a person survive off eating the parts of food that the human body feels the need to get rid of?   I’m also thinking I don’t know as much about centipedes as I thought I did.  I’m just baffled.  And grossed out.  And deeply, profoundly disturbed.

And now you might be too.  Actually, if you aren’t, you have “one sick puppy” syndrome and should get that looked at stat.  Free advice.  You’re welcome!

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License Plate of the Day
September 30, 2009, 3:03 pm
Filed under: License Plate of the Day

licenseplateadonis

That’s pretty bold.  Especially for someone with a Redskin’s logo on his license plate.



Take a Closer Look, Dumbass
September 25, 2009, 8:48 pm
Filed under: Work Bitching

One of the many stimulating and rewarding responsibilities I have at the new job is ordering and stocking kitchen supplies.  This includes paper plates, napkins, paper towels, utensils, coffee, sugar and creamer.  We have one of those ridiculously high tech and expensive Flavia machines.  There is no mixing or messy grounds to deal with; coffee comes in individual one-serving packets and you literally just have to stick the packet in the machine and wait 30 seconds.  It’s even digitalized with a little options screen where you pick the flavor you want from a list of options so the machine knows what it’s being asked to make, and you can program it to create mixes out of more than one flavor packet.  It’s ridiculous.  The only way it could be more high tech is if you could just think the flavor you wanted and the machine could read your thoughts and then carry the cup to you at your desk.  We keep around 20 different flavors in stock (I know!) and a box of each flavor costs just under 50 bucks.  We have 130 people in the building and spend roughly 500 bucks on coffee a week (not including whatever rental/service fee we pay for the machine and its maintenance).  Insanity.

Meet the Flavia.  Told you it was high tech.

Meet the Flavia.

Sadly, the machine can’t take care of sugar and creamer.  One must do that part oneself.  That means that occasionally, when the canister of sugar that is sitting on the counter is empty, one must throw it away and take another canister out of the cabinet underneath the coffee machine or the one above it; both cabinets have a spot where sugar is stored, with a label on the edge of the shelf that reads SUGAR.  I went through the kitchen yesterday to see what needed to be ordered, and I didn’t order more sugar because there were five unopened canisters in the bottom cabinet.

So today I get an email from a woman named Lisa (I haven’t put faces with names yet so I really had no idea who was emailing me) that said:

“Not sure if you know but we’re out of sugar in the 5th floor kitchen : ) ”

Actually, unless a sugar thief came in the middle of the night and stole the 5 unopened canisters that were there as of 4pm yesterday, we’re very much NOT out of sugar in the 5th floor kitchen.  But just in case sugar thievery has become an alarming new rash of rampant criminal activity, I checked before emailing the woman back.  And Lo:  the 5 canisters of sugar were still very much there, very much unopened, and very much on a shelf with a label reading SUGAR.

So I responded:

“Actually there are five unopened canisters.”

Then the woman phyiscally comes to my desk to say that she can’t find them and where exactly are they?  I said, “They’re in the lower cabinet.  On the shelf with the label reading SUGAR.”

Two minutes later, Lisa returns to tell me they are not there.  Either that sugar thief is super fucking stealth or Lisa is a fucking moron.  And lest you worry that our 5th floor kitchen is the size of a castle and there are hundreds of cabinets there and I’m being unfair here, let me put your mind at ease.  There are a total of 5 cabinets, two lower and 3 above sink level, so I figured that specifying the location as being “lower” was a sufficiently qualifying description that should really narrow down the search for her.

Apparently I was wrong.  And nice to meet you Lisa.

I had to walk in there and show her the sugar.  She did thank me, so that’s something I guess.  But for real?  I would have searched up and down, left and right for that shit before I even emailed someone about it, and you bet your ass I would have searched real hard before I came back after the email to say it wasn’t there, and I can guaran-fucking-tee  you I would have searched for that shit like Betty Ford hunting for booze before I went back a SECOND time to say there was no sugar there.  But then, I make an effort not to look like a complete jackass.  Clearly my new buddy Lisa is less concerned.

I need to write to my Congressman about that.

I need to write to my Congressman about that.



License Plate of the Day
September 23, 2009, 7:03 pm
Filed under: License Plate of the Day

licenseplatezenbus

You’d have to be pretty Zen to purchase a Honda Element because that is one fugly automobile.

It's the multi-colored panels that really fugly it up, no?

It's the multi-colored panels that really fuglies it up, no?

I told you.



Basic Planning 101: Be There For Your Own Meetings
September 23, 2009, 3:21 pm
Filed under: Work Bitching

Let’s say  I’m at work and I’m expecting visitors for a meeting at 11am.  You know what I would do?  I would be ready and waiting for those visitors from about 10:45 on.  I would go pee at like 10:40, or if I were a smoker, I would smoke a cigarette at 10:35ish and then go pee at 10:40 and spritz myself with some perfume because that shit stinks, and then I would either hang out in the lobby area to meet my guests upon their arrival, or I would be available at my desk so that when the receptionist called me to tell me they were here, I would be ready and waiting.  You know why?  Because it’s common courtesy, and it’s logical.  It’s called PLANNING AHEAD.  Or BEING PREPARED.  Or ACTING PROFESSIONAL.  Or NOT BEING A JACKASS WHO IS EITHER SO EGOTISTICAL THAT HE THINKS HE’S MAKING A POINT ABOUT HOW IMPORTANT HIS TIME IS BY KEEPING PEOPLE WAITING OR IS TOO STUPID TO READ A CLOCK.

So I’ve been at the new job for just over one month, and a coworker that we’ll call Dumbass has had visitors twice in that time.  And guess what?  Each time he has been nowhere to be found when his visitors arrived.  Hasn’t answered his phone,  hasn’t answered his email, nothing.  He sits on a different floor than I do, so it’s not like I can easily peek into his office to see if he’s there.  It’s rude to do this to his visitors, but more importantly, it annoys the crap out of me, because then I have people sitting in my space wanting to know why they are waiting, and they inevitably start suggesting that I call other people that work here that have nothing to do with this particular meeting but they know their names and figure those people will help them.  But you know what?  Those people can’t help, because they aren’t available, because they’re not expecting anyone. 

Portrait of Dumbass

Portrait of Dumbass



License Plate of the Day
September 22, 2009, 5:47 pm
Filed under: License Plate of the Day

licenseplateladyboop

Much as I don’t understand adults who worship Disney or Hello Kitty, I don’t really understand or condone this.  Nor am I familiar with the verb “to boop.” 

And frankly, as far as sexy cartoons go, I don’t think Betty Boop places very high on the list.  She definitely acts like she would put out, but her head is rather abnormally shaped and I’m not loving the hair:

bettyboop

When it comes to cartoon ladies, I’d choose Jessica Rabbit any day.

Now THAT is one hot cartoon.

Now THAT is one hot cartoon.



Blow(dry) Me
September 21, 2009, 7:53 pm
Filed under: Musings of a Random Nature

Sometimes I think about all the amazing things technology allows us to do, like blog, mapquest, and download music illegally.  On tv last night they had some super crazy futuristic robot shit that hooked up to an amputee’s former arm (I’m not sure what the politically correct way to talk about stumps is) and he was able to move the robotic arm by thinking about moving the arm.  Seriously.  Science is amazing, right?

So why is it that science can’t create a public restroom hand dryer that doesn’t suck balls?  I find it to be extremely annoying when restrooms have hand dryers, because they almost never actually dry your hands.  I was at the movies recently and I’m fairly certain that the hand dryer was such an epic fail that my hands actually got wetter as I used it.  I suppose my hands probably would have dried eventually if I stood there long enough, but I’m not sure if it would have been from the dryer or because the water finally naturally evaporated.

Am I missing something here?

Am I missing something here?

In all my hand dryer experiences, I have only found one that actually works pretty well, which happens to also be at a movie theater.  It does dry your hands, but it leaves them with this slightly slimy feeling.  It’s hard to put a finger on the problem (I punned) but your hands just don’t feel clean after using it, even if they are no longer wet.  I guess it could also be a result of the soap though.  Hard to tell.  But it’s a powerful dryer for sure, and it does that weird thing where it ripples  your skin when your hands are under it and gives you a disturbing preview of your own old age.  So the price of dry hands is a terrifying preview of your impending mortality and t’s the exception to the rule, because other hand dryers SUCK.

I know a lot of people agree with me on this, so why is it that so many places use them?  If I were in charge of making the hand dryer vs. paper towels decision for a public restroom, I’d be like, “well, everyone on the planet thinks hand dryers suck, so let’s go with the towels,” but clearly this isn’t happening at a lot of places.  One of the arguments in favor of hand dryers is that they are better for the environment because they don’t waste paper, but I don’t care about the environment, and I suspect that it’s cheaper to pay a one time cost for the hand dryer than to buy a towel dispenser and keep restocking it, so companies just make the cheaper decision, once again sacrificing the comfort of the customer for their own corporate greed.  It’s a tale as old as time.

I have heard people say that these Dyson hand dryers work really well, and Dyson seems to know what they are doing in general, but their products are also expensive, so that’s probably why I’ve never seen these anywhere:

dysonhanddryer

Also, if I did see one of these, I’d frankly be a little afraid to use it.  It has potential to be some sort of Saw-esque torture device that would lop off both my hands because I was vain enough to care about something stupid like dry hands instead of appreciating my life and looking past the superficial. 

I can live with the wet hands after all.

I can live with the wet hands after all.