Filed under: The Inanity Files
Jason DeRulo: Whatcha Say
This song is basically about a guy attempting to atone for cheating on his woman. Here’s how he does it:
“I know what I did wasn’t clever/but me and you were meant to be together.”
I object to the use of the word “clever” in this context. I’m sure the point was that it rhymed but that doesn’t make it any less stupid. It’s not about being clever or not clever; it’ s about right or wrong. Using the word “clever” makes it sound like he was trying to be sly and regrets getting caught more than the actual cheating. Not the way back into your girl’s heart my friend. Let’s try another tactic:
“But when I become a star we’ll be living so large/I’ll do anything for you.”
Besides being a selfish egomaniac, he’s implying that his girl should forgive him because soon he will be rich and famous and if she takes him back he will bestow these riches upon her. I’m not going to lie, that argument has some weight with me, but it also borders on calling her a prostitute. And if he can’t keep it in his pants when he’s poor and anonymous, why in God’s name should she believe he will manage to stay faithful to her when he’s rolling in dough and surrounded by groupies? I for one am not convinced.
Chris Brown featuring Lil Wayne: I Can Transform Ya
Chris Brown in general is a mine field, so I’m going to avoid looking for deeper, domestic-abuser-hinting moments in his lyrics and instead focus on some questionable lines rapped by my boo, Lil Wayne.
“I transform her to Ducati and then I transform me to a Bugatti.”
I had to look up what a Ducati and a Bugatti even are, and they are a high end motorcyle and a high end sports car, respectively. The whole song appears to have a Transformers theme, which might make sense if it were associated with the Transformers movies, but it’s not, so I’m a bit lost. The general narrative of the song, if you will, seems to be a man telling a woman why she should fuck him and how good it will be, but the fatal flaw here is that men think cars are sexy. Women, not so much. I don’t want to be transformed into a motorcylce, and I think it’s vaguely insulting that the woman gets transformed into the smaller, cheaper of the two vehicles. Also, cars can’t fuck.
“I transform smaller and she puts me in her pants.”
Talking about getting smaller is generally not the way into a woman’s pants. Then again, Lil Wayne’s first kid was born when he was 15 and his 4th child by his 3rd baby mama is due this year. Oh, and his 3rd child (by a different baby mama than the 4th) was just born last month. So perhaps he knows more about getting into chicks’ pants than I do.
Drake featuring Kanye, Lil Wayne, Eminem: Forever
I’m not even going to talk about the fact that I like ANOTHER Drake song. Moving on to the lyrics:
“If I was at the club you know I ball, chemo.”
That’s Drake there. Perhaps I am just too white to understand this reference, but I have no fucking idea what it means. At first I thought the line was, “if I was at the club you know I’m bald, chemo,” which confused me because it was vaguely insensitive to cancer patients and because I didn’t know what being bald had to do with being at the club. After looking up the lyrics I’m more confused.
“I stuck my dick inside this life until that bitch came.”
That’s the king of good publicity Kayne speaking. He’s talking in general about his total domination of rap music, but since he’s congratulating himself, his dick would be him and this life/bitch would be music/fame/whatnot, correct? So if we’re if going to follow the logic of the metaphor, shouldn’t he be coming, not the life/bitch he has completely dominated? Unless his domination is so thorough that the life/bitch enjoys it as much as he does? But as my friend Stephanie astutely pointed out, there is no way in hell that Kanye West shows any concern for whether or not his partner comes.
“I had raped the game young, you can call it statutory.”
Kanye again, and I just don’t feel like rape or stat rape is something to make light of, especially when you have the image problems of Kanye West.
“Trade the Grammy plagues to have my granny back/remember she had that bad hip like a fannypack.”
It’s nice for Kanye to shoutout to grandma, but how is a bad hip like a fannypack? And is that really the most memorable thing you can say about your dead grandmother?
“Chasing the stardom will turn you into a maniac/I used to want this thing forever, y’all can have it back.”
I briefly entertained the notion that Kayne was having a moment of true self-reflection. Than I remembered that this is Kanye West we’re talking about it, and the fact that these lines are uttered by him are what render them ridiculous.
Backstreet Boys: All I Have to Give
“Does he leave you when you need him the most?/Does his friends get all your time?”
DO his friends get all your time, not does. DO. Grammar people, grammar! It’s called the English language; get acquainted with it.
Leave a Comment so far
Leave a comment