The Bitterness Blog


The Lost Art of Letter Writing
November 3, 2009, 9:17 pm
Filed under: Work Bitching

Dear Mark,

The packages delivered yesterday morning in your name are still sitting next to my desk.  I emailed you to let you know they were here at 8:58 am yesterday.  Did you die?  Are you on fire?  Because those are the only legitimate excuses I can come up with to explain your inability to pick your shit up or even to respond to the two emails I have now sent you regarding this matter.  Drag your lazy ass into the elevator, push the 5 button, and get your goddamn packages out of my personal bubble.  Thanks!

Yours Truly, Someone Who Doesn’t Treat This Office Like My Own Personal Attic

******************************************************************************

Dear Random Solicitor From a Company My Company Has No Intention of Ever Doing Any Kind of Business With,

Guess what genius?  No matter how many different times you call (8 and counting) the person that answers the phone is going to be me, and I recognize your name, your company name, and your phone number.  I have the memory of an elephant, so acting like you are calling anew isn’t going to fly with me and trick me into passing on a duplicate message to our head of marketing, and even if it did, he doesn’t want to talk to you.  As I told you the first time you called (and the 7 times thereafter), if the director of marketing is interested in speaking with you, he has your information and he will call you.  Did I stutter?  I don’t believe I led you on in any way, but if you were a suitor interested in a date, at this point your behavior would officially constitute stalking and I would be calling the police on your ass.  Is your plan to annoy my company into doing business with you?  Because if that’s your best strategy, why in the name of all things holy would you think we want to place our future business in your hands?  We want our customers to like us, not to call the police on us for harassment. STOP CALLING.

Sincerely, Someone Who Hopes to Never See Your Number on the Caller ID Ever Again

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