The Bitterness Blog


PSA: This is one Box you Don’t want to open
November 9, 2009, 7:28 pm
Filed under: Musings of a Random Nature

Consider this a public service announcement.  I’m doing you a solid by doing my part to make damn sure you never watch the new Cameron Diaz film, The Box.  I don’t mean that I just don’t want you to spend money on it, although I certainly don’t.  I mean someday when it’s on tv and you’re bored and there’s nothing on but it and old Lifetime movies starring Tori Spelling, go with Spelling all the way.  I mean if someone hands you free tickets, burn them.  The only circumstances under which you are allowed to see this movie is if someone pays you to watch it, and even then, keep in mind that by agreeing to that you are prostituting your soul.

box-firstlook-marsden-diaz

James Marsden, struggling to choose between money and dignity. Dignity lost.

It was so just fucking bad.  It’s one of those films where it’s truly mind-boggling that not only did it get made, it got made with real actors.  Frank Langella is a god.  He kicked ass as Dracula, he was Oscar nominated for his brilliant turn as Nixon in last year’s Frost/Nixon…and then this.  I’m not going to defend Cameron Diaz because her career has not been built on making quality movies, but even so, did her and her agent have a falling out?  Because I thought a star like her had a team of people whose job it is to not let their client participate in something this heinous.  And James Marsden…his presence in this makes me especially sad, and this is coming from someone who thought Disturbing Behavior was awesome when it came out. 

I’m not going to go into a detailed analysis of the badness beyond addressing a few key points.  First, it’s just plain stupid.  Second, the dialogue is awful.  Third, it makes women out to be immoral, money-grubbing morons.  And last but not least, it contributes to the commonly held but sorely misguided belief that the state of Virginia, as a whole, is the southern-accented deep South.  It’s not, and consequently, we do not speak like this.  Cameron Diaz, take note.

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