The Bitterness Blog

I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas
December 21, 2009, 11:23 pm
Filed under: Musings of a Random Nature

Remember being a kid and hoping and praying with everything in your young being that there would be a blizzard so that school would be cancelled? Remember doing the snow dance and then waking up early the next morning to start watching that random channel whose sole purpose was to run a scroll of school closings due to inclement weather?  Remember the joy of looking outside and seeing snow that was waist-high?

God we were so simple back then.  And by simple I mean stupid, because it turns out, blizzards suck balls.

I had plans Saturday night, dammit.  And let me tell you, when you involuntarily enter the ranks of the poor and unemployed, you spend a lot of quality time in your home, wearing your favorite sweatpants, not washing your hair, realizing you can barely tell the difference between the way your dog smells and the way you smell.  So on those rare occasions when you have actual plans to shower and put on pants without an elastic waistband, you become very attached to that prospect.  You look forward to it.  You count down to it.  It gives you reason to keep going and makes you feel like a functioning member of society.

And then a blizzard comes along and stomps all over your plans and then spits on them afterward for good measure.  And then the spit freezes because it’s so motherfucking cold.

People like to wax poetic about how beautiful snow is all the time, but you know what?  Snow is pretty for about 8 hours, overnight.  Come morning, snow is dirty and ugly and mushy.  In the daylight, it’s blinding, so even if it were pretty, you wouldn’t know because you can’t actually look it.  Then snow starts to melt a little or get mushed up from cars and people, and then that mushy-melty crap freezes.  Northern Virginia is probably in the top 5 worst places to drive in America on a good day; add snow and ice to the equation and it’s like an episode of Survivor out there.  Which means I can’t go anywhere.  Which sucks.  Although I guess I could go the glass half full route and say that at least I’m not being forced to drive in awful conditions because employers have no sympathy when you honest to God can’t even get out of your own driveway.

I’ve been hearing a lot of that “whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” bullshit lately.  I’m not any stronger, but I have learned one valuable lesson.

If  you’re going to lose your job, I guess winter isn’t a bad time to do it, commuting-wise.  Plus you’ll have the added bonus that the bleakness of the weather will match the bleakness of your soul.

Somehow I don't think this is what Irving Berlin meant.


1 Comment so far
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Echoing the sweatpants sentiment…that’s all I did this weekend

Comment by Missy

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