Filed under: Work Bitching
Now that I’ve been out of work for a solid month, I have to say, I’m settling into unemployment quite fucking comfortably. I’ve been reminded of possibly my best and most finely honed skill: sleeping. I sleep like it’s my job, and at this point, it pretty much is. Also, I can rock wife beaters and flannel pajama bottoms like nobody’s business. I desperately need a haircut and a reason to leave the house, but Christ if I’m not well-rested and comfortably dressed.
Years ago I saw an episode of Oprah in which she recommended starting a journal and each day writing down one thing you are grateful for. You know, to keep your spirits up and remind yourself of the good things in your life instead of focusing only on the bad. So in light of my recent ass-raping my by former employer, I thought I’d make a list of things that were shitty about my job and which make me grateful that I never have to go back to that hell hole ever again.
To wit: vegetarians.
One of my responsibilities was to order lunch for the whole company every Friday for a weekly meeting. I had a budget, which was pretty low, so my options were already pretty limited. I tried to provide some variety so we weren’t eating the same thing every week (i.e. pizza), and I got really excited when a friend of mine suggested I try Chic-Fil-A, because people love that shit. I ordered chicken wraps, chicken tenders, entree salads, and dessert. A veritable feast, no?
I sent out an email telling everyone what the lunch would be in advance and immediately received a reply from a chick named Megan wanting to know what the vegetarian option was.
Um, salad, obviously. And dessert. You’re welcome.
Megan wrote me a paragraph long email about how the vegetarians were always being forced to eat tofu, salad, or veggie sandwiches.
Um, hi. Welcome to being a vegetarian. What the fuck do you expect?
Megan offered to provide me a list of organic, vegetarian restaurants we could get catering from. I laughed at this but told her to go ahead, I’d be THRILLED to check out her recommendations, and by the way, our budget is $850 a week for 160 people. Have yourself a field day, because I can guaran-fucking-tee you that specialized vegetarian options, even if they exist in Northern VA, do not fit within that budget. Crappy fast food barely fits within that budget. Chick-fil-a didn’t even fit within that budget.
Not surprisingly, she never bothered to create that list for me. And now she never will.
Score one for me.
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