The Bitterness Blog

Aaarrrh Mateys!
February 25, 2010, 9:47 pm
Filed under: Musings of a Random Nature

As you might imagine, I’ve been doing a lot of serious tv watching as of late. There is nothing so wonderful as discovering a new television love, and I have found one, and its name is Wife Swap.

I don’t think they even make new episodes of Wife Swap anymore, but luckily the good folks at Lifetime air reruns of the show everyday at 1pm and 2pm (and possibly earlier, but I don’t get up before 1pm anymore so I wouldn’t know).  The concept of Wife Swap is that the moms from two different families that have never met swap lives for 2 weeks.  The first week, they live as the mom in the house normally does and the second week, they make new rules that the family has to abide by.  Hilarity ensues.

The greatest thing about this show is how obvious it is that they intentionally pick families that are polar opposites and bound to hate each other, like the episode where they swapped a preacher’s wife with the wife of a man who runs an atheist website.  If that’s not genius, I don’t know what is.  More often than not, one household is run by anal neat freak disciplinarians and the other house is run by hippie yoga-obsessed treehuggers.  A sampling of quotes pulled from the show:

“Breathing?  Who breathes?”  Umm, everyone…that is alive.

“Can white people be ghetto?”  Yes, but we call them rednecks.

Today’s episode was a real gem.  Laura is an organizational nut who believes everyone should strive for perfection, especially in their outward appearance. I’m not sure what the other’s mom actual name is because she goes by her pirate name, Mad Sally.

You read that correctly.  Her pirate name.  Her and and her whole family dress up like pirates.  On what appears to be a daily basis.  Her husband quit his job to write pirate books, and the one he was working on at show time was about how pirates and ninjas should be best friends, but can’t be.

And that’s a book I want  to read.

So the pirate mom goes to a family of neat freaks, including a 13 year old daughter who said, upon meeting Mad Sally, “When I found out she was a pirate, I was like, someone has issues.”  Well put.

Meanwhile, the children back over at the Queen Anne’s Revenge think the pirate lifestyle, which the family collectively refers to as “pirattitude,” is awesome.  The youngest, a little boy about 4, was letting out “Arrrrhs!” so exuberantly he actually lost his balance during the process.  Their 13 year old daughter summed it up best:  “None of my friends’ dads can write swords off on their taxes as a work expense.  Of course, none of my friends’ dads have swords.”  So, yeah.

Mad Sally brought the neat freak’s daughter to tears several times while the neat freak mom channeled her energy into organizing the pirate family’s house.  At the end, as always happens, each family eventually came around to the conclusion that the other family had taught them valuable lessons about life, love, and family,blah blah blah.  At the end of each show the two couples meet together and talk about their experiences, and if we the viewing audience are really lucky, a physical confrontation takes place.  It’s happened before.  Many times.

I think the pirate family tops the weirdness charts so far from what I’ve seen, although I did also enjoy the family that was devoted to “sweeping” as in entering sweepstakes.  They would literally go out everyday and look for bottle caps with sweepstakes codes on them, and the father was part of a sweepstakes group that met every week to discuss sweeping, new contests, what they entered and what they recently won. It was kind of like watching an AA meeting except that no one was admitting they had a problem.

Here’s a photo of the aforementioned pirate family.  The quality sucks but I think you get the gist:

Words fail me.

And great news!  While searching the internets for this photo, I found out that Wife Swap is still on the air, making new episodes!  So you know where I’ll be on March 26th when season 6 premieres!  Although you probably already knew where I’d be since my ass is pretty much sewn to the couch now, but that’s neither here nor there.


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There is also a show called Trading Spouses which has the same concept. It is on a cable channel but not sure which one. I actually like it better!

Comment by Michelle

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